MONTREAL - After a spectacular season of near-constant highs, the Montreal Canadiens' season came to an end last night in the most anti-climactic of ways. A fourth consecutive loss to the mediocre Philadelphia Flyers eliminated the Canadiens from compitition for the ultimate prize, the Stanley Cup.
Was it Karma? Was it destiny? Was it bad joo-joo? Did the Canadiens, a team that no one picked to even make the playoffs, offend the Gods in doing so? Was it Carbonneau's heritical tie?
Whatever it was, it just wasn't meant to be.
I, like most Habs fans, enjoyed the ride knowing full well that there was little to no chance of winning the Cup. Indeed, if the Canadiens had made the Conference Final, it is doubtful that even the Faithful would pick them to beat Pittsburgh. So we always knew we were going to be eliminated.
But really, the Flyers? C'mon!
Shades of the Carolina Hurricanes; down and out until the removal of Our Captain's eye. Shades of the Tampa Bay Lightning; thoroughly dominated, yet winning despite (although at least they had some talented players).
What do those teams have in common? Yeah, they won the Cup.
Are the Flyers a team of destiny? Did Briere know something we didn't? Did Biron? Is Hatcher really the difference maker Bobby Clarke always thought he was? Is Umberger the real deal? It is the fact that this paragraph can barely be taken seriously that makes me realize just how horrible it was for Us to lose to these clowns.
Oh well. There's always next year right? Centennial Cup?
Now let the offseason fun begin. Let us dump Ryder to Edmonton, pick up a signifant UFA (Hossa? Jagr?) and gear up for next year's awesome ride!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Thursday, May 1, 2008
DEAR JEBUS
We are but normal folk, humbled and humiliated. And far be it from us to stifle Your creativity or Your judgement. Yet here we are. On the brink.
We know that You have a Grand Plan, and that Bob Gainey, the Montreal Canadiens and the Priceberg are somehow involved and we truly appreciate that because it fills us with Hope and has renewed our Partisanship to a frenzy this City has never witnessed, even in our times of Glory. We also understand that to Win, our children must learn the agony of defeat as, indeed, the Penguins learned last year. But, dear Jebus, that was the Senators! The good Senators!
These are the Flyers!
What are we learning now? That You have a sense of humor? Ok, ha-ha. Very funny. You got us; that was a good one, ok? Losing to the Penguins, ok, that's fine, we accepted that; it would have been honorable and a fitting end to a Spectacularly season.
But the Flyers represent everything You despise, Jebus. What the hell are you doing? We are confused, stunned and dismayed at Your proceedings and we're all wondering what to do to get You back on our side. Different way to work, longer shower, avoiding cracks in the sidewalk, squishing raspberries, howling to the moon, sacrificing white roosters, converting to scientology, what?! What do we have to do, please tell us? Because this isn't right. You know this isn't right.
Jebus?
Are You even there? ........screw it.
Maurice? Tell'em!
"Nos bras meurtris vous tendent le flambeau."
That means you, Kovy.
Now let's do this thing but this time,
Let's do it right.
We know that You have a Grand Plan, and that Bob Gainey, the Montreal Canadiens and the Priceberg are somehow involved and we truly appreciate that because it fills us with Hope and has renewed our Partisanship to a frenzy this City has never witnessed, even in our times of Glory. We also understand that to Win, our children must learn the agony of defeat as, indeed, the Penguins learned last year. But, dear Jebus, that was the Senators! The good Senators!
These are the Flyers!
What are we learning now? That You have a sense of humor? Ok, ha-ha. Very funny. You got us; that was a good one, ok? Losing to the Penguins, ok, that's fine, we accepted that; it would have been honorable and a fitting end to a Spectacularly season.
But the Flyers represent everything You despise, Jebus. What the hell are you doing? We are confused, stunned and dismayed at Your proceedings and we're all wondering what to do to get You back on our side. Different way to work, longer shower, avoiding cracks in the sidewalk, squishing raspberries, howling to the moon, sacrificing white roosters, converting to scientology, what?! What do we have to do, please tell us? Because this isn't right. You know this isn't right.
Jebus?
Are You even there? ........screw it.
Maurice? Tell'em!
"Nos bras meurtris vous tendent le flambeau."
That means you, Kovy.
Now let's do this thing but this time,
Let's do it right.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
IF THE CANADIENS DON'T BEAT PHILADELPHIA TONIGHT, THE TERRORISTS HAVE ALREADY WON
PHILADELPHIA - Undoubtedly, the Canadiens are very busy preparing for tonight's game and, no doubt, they already have enough pressure on them as it is. But what this town (Montreal) needs right now is a return to tradition. We need to work, laugh, and win the way we did before September 11. That's why it's absolutely vital that the Canadiens win tonight. Because if they don't, well, then the terrorists have already won.
These are hard times for all of us. Some days, I can barely bring myself to yell at the TV from my Lazy-Boy as the Canadiens blow another powerplay opportunity. Yet to hang my head in defeat is exactly what they want us to do. They want us to give up and admit defeat. I don't know how you were raised, but when life deals me a blow, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and demand that players be traded. That's the way I am, and I'm not going to let some fundamentalist wacko halfway around the world change that.
Hopefully the Canadiens realize that by giving me poor performance, they're giving a poor performance to an entire nation! Until they can learn to win every game, maybe they should take the "Canadian" reference from their name. The entire team is making a mockery of everything Canada stand for. They should feel ashamed.
Do they want the beer of past couch-coaches to have been spilled for nothing? Well, if they can't bring us the wins we need to capture the Stanley Cup, they might as well move to Afghanistan and join Al Queda, because that's what they're really doing. Right now, the Habs need to ask themselves some difficult questions. Namely, are they part of the problem or part of the solution?
Also, a shutout and eight goals tonight would be nice.
These are hard times for all of us. Some days, I can barely bring myself to yell at the TV from my Lazy-Boy as the Canadiens blow another powerplay opportunity. Yet to hang my head in defeat is exactly what they want us to do. They want us to give up and admit defeat. I don't know how you were raised, but when life deals me a blow, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and demand that players be traded. That's the way I am, and I'm not going to let some fundamentalist wacko halfway around the world change that.
Hopefully the Canadiens realize that by giving me poor performance, they're giving a poor performance to an entire nation! Until they can learn to win every game, maybe they should take the "Canadian" reference from their name. The entire team is making a mockery of everything Canada stand for. They should feel ashamed.
Do they want the beer of past couch-coaches to have been spilled for nothing? Well, if they can't bring us the wins we need to capture the Stanley Cup, they might as well move to Afghanistan and join Al Queda, because that's what they're really doing. Right now, the Habs need to ask themselves some difficult questions. Namely, are they part of the problem or part of the solution?
Also, a shutout and eight goals tonight would be nice.
Monday, April 28, 2008
A CURSEWORK ORANGE
Sources close to the team reveal hoodoo-voodoo behind Flyer bench. The team doing the revealing was, of course, Your Montreal Canadiens.
The NHL board of directors are seriously considering thinking of the possibilty of maybe appealing towards Gary Bettman to instill "The Flyer Rule", perhaps.
"The Flyer Rule" would be to award victory, no matter the score, to the team that so pummeled its opposition and so demolished any conceivable sense of adversity between them that they should not have to suffer the ignominity of defeat by vengeful Gods.
The puck went this way, that way, the other way around and back again. It went left; it went right, through that guy's legs and between those guys' coverage. It went aside the goalie, over and under him, across him and towards him, side to side and up and down. It chipped off every speck of paint and either net while it explored the bending properties of iron. It sailed; it sallied; it parted the orange seas like a Kovalev through a kindergarten class.
The only place the puck didn't go, was where it was supposed to go.
Some say the talismanic-Tie has aggravated the hockey-gods by its overuse. We accept the remonstrance. however,
Timonen: "Na-na! Boo-boo!"
SMACKO!!!
You unbelievable bastich...
Philly?
Be prepared.
The NHL board of directors are seriously considering thinking of the possibilty of maybe appealing towards Gary Bettman to instill "The Flyer Rule", perhaps.
"The Flyer Rule" would be to award victory, no matter the score, to the team that so pummeled its opposition and so demolished any conceivable sense of adversity between them that they should not have to suffer the ignominity of defeat by vengeful Gods.
The puck went this way, that way, the other way around and back again. It went left; it went right, through that guy's legs and between those guys' coverage. It went aside the goalie, over and under him, across him and towards him, side to side and up and down. It chipped off every speck of paint and either net while it explored the bending properties of iron. It sailed; it sallied; it parted the orange seas like a Kovalev through a kindergarten class.
The only place the puck didn't go, was where it was supposed to go.
Some say the talismanic-Tie has aggravated the hockey-gods by its overuse. We accept the remonstrance. however,
Timonen: "Na-na! Boo-boo!"
SMACKO!!!
You unbelievable bastich...
Philly?
Be prepared.
Friday, April 25, 2008
FLYERS HOPING "SILLY HAT DAY" WILL TURN THINGS AROUND
MONTREAL - After losing the first game of the series to the Canadiens, Philadelphia Flyers' head coach John Stevens was seeking a gimmick that would help boost the moral of his team before game two.
"I don't know, there's already a bunch of teams that do the head-shaving, karaoke, or Greco-Roman wrestling," said Stevens, leafing through an issue of Coaching for Dummies. "I thought about juggling, but in the end, 'Silly Hat Day' just came to me."
Well, the gimmick was a huge success.
Darien Hatcher scored easily during a scrimmage as backup goalie Antero Niittymaki could not focus on the puck for sake of the hulking Hatcher's tiara (his own). Vacalav Prospal was also in the spirit, wearing a British policeman's cap, while Jeff Carter wore the very same green hat worn by Don Cherry for St. Patrick's Day.
Unfortunately, the day was not all positives as Daniel Briere was actually further demoralized when he did not properly understand the memo and came to the rink dressed head-to-toe as a '70's disco pimp.
No word yet as to whether the Flyers will wear their "silly hats" to the game on Saturday.
"I don't know, there's already a bunch of teams that do the head-shaving, karaoke, or Greco-Roman wrestling," said Stevens, leafing through an issue of Coaching for Dummies. "I thought about juggling, but in the end, 'Silly Hat Day' just came to me."
Well, the gimmick was a huge success.
Darien Hatcher scored easily during a scrimmage as backup goalie Antero Niittymaki could not focus on the puck for sake of the hulking Hatcher's tiara (his own). Vacalav Prospal was also in the spirit, wearing a British policeman's cap, while Jeff Carter wore the very same green hat worn by Don Cherry for St. Patrick's Day.
Unfortunately, the day was not all positives as Daniel Briere was actually further demoralized when he did not properly understand the memo and came to the rink dressed head-to-toe as a '70's disco pimp.
No word yet as to whether the Flyers will wear their "silly hats" to the game on Saturday.
Monday, April 21, 2008
VERITABLE, VALOROUS, VINDICATED, YET VENTURESOME VICTORY
64 000 Hydro-Québec éoliennes across the provinces produce enough electricity to sustain the province until the end of 2011 with collective sigh of Partisan relief. The Canadiens are into Round 2 of the Stanley Cup playoffs.
3rd star: Saku Koivu
2nd star: Alex Kovalev
1st star: Carey Price
Super-duper 1st star?
The talisman worn by Guy Carbonneau to invoke the Power of the Gods. The Hockey Gods.
Only a talisman of such primeval and decadent ugliness could attract the Gods' attention, an object that could cause a God to retch.
"WHAT IS THIS SIGHT?"
"Listen to me."
"WHO BIDS US?"
"Just a coach. A coach who swore to uphold the seal blessed by your forefathers. Will you hearken?"
"YOU DARE SAY THE NAME?"
"We are the name. Will you hearken? The seal calls on you."
"YOU DARE?"
"The seal demands it. You must obey."
"...WHAT IS REQUIRED?"
"Only ever the same."
"VICTORY."
"Yes."
"YOUR AMBITION IS ONLY EQUALED BY YOUR VANITY."
"We swore to be champions."
"WHO IS IT NOW?"
"Only ever the same."
"BOSTON."
"Yes."
"...IT WILL BE DONE. BUT BE WARNED, THAT TALISAMN HAS LIMITED EFFECT. USE IT...WISELY."
"Thy wills be done."
Kraka-ka-boom!
3rd star: Saku Koivu
2nd star: Alex Kovalev
1st star: Carey Price
Super-duper 1st star?
The talisman worn by Guy Carbonneau to invoke the Power of the Gods. The Hockey Gods.
Only a talisman of such primeval and decadent ugliness could attract the Gods' attention, an object that could cause a God to retch.
"WHAT IS THIS SIGHT?"
"Listen to me."
"WHO BIDS US?"
"Just a coach. A coach who swore to uphold the seal blessed by your forefathers. Will you hearken?"
"YOU DARE SAY THE NAME?"
"We are the name. Will you hearken? The seal calls on you."
"YOU DARE?"
"The seal demands it. You must obey."
"...WHAT IS REQUIRED?"
"Only ever the same."
"VICTORY."
"Yes."
"YOUR AMBITION IS ONLY EQUALED BY YOUR VANITY."
"We swore to be champions."
"WHO IS IT NOW?"
"Only ever the same."
"BOSTON."
"Yes."
"...IT WILL BE DONE. BUT BE WARNED, THAT TALISAMN HAS LIMITED EFFECT. USE IT...WISELY."
"Thy wills be done."
Kraka-ka-boom!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
DEAR MR CARBONNEAU
What up, dawg?I'm a new fan of the Canadiens and for the most part, I'm really digging this team! But I have a question I was hoping you could answer for me.
There are some really good players on this team, and yet when I see them, I don't feel any... Well, for lack of a better term, urges (to cheer that is). I ain't jellin' with my yellin'! You feel me?
I guess my question is this: Why has the coaching staff seen fit to suppress the raw talent on this roster by placing Smolinski on the powerplay, Ryder on the bench, and 4 out of 5 players in the neutral zone?
Sincerely,
- A concerned fan.
PS: Seriously! I gots to get my freak on!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)