Monday, December 7, 2009


WASHINGTON - Recently, you may remember, your humble reporter was in Washington to report on the game between the Capitals and your Canadiens (the former being the one based in Washington). As yours truly awaited a totally unjustified hearing, a most interesting piece of news was overheard...

Allegedly, members of the Washington Capitals are opting not to tell superstar forward Alexander Ovechkin about the fact that he is missing one of his front teeth, saying they are fearful of the embarrassment it might cause him.

You may have seen recently that Matt Bradley played the Weeble Wobble to Paul Holmgren's fists the other night. Well, as he stood in the precinct pressing charges, he confessed to your dedicated reporter about the situation.

"Look," he said, "it's awkward because when he's on the bench trying to get us psyched up, there's this huge ugly gap in his mouth where he just keeps sticking his tongue." Bradly added that he just couldn't concentrate that night he got smoked by Holmgren because, even though Ovechkin wasn't playing, he couldn't shake the image of that time he saw a huge chunk of AAA steak stuck in that gap in Ovechkin's face.

Bradley admitted that the reason Ovechkin's been getting hurt recently is because the team is "missing assignments" in hopes that a few more teeth will get knocked out to even things up. "Our hope is he gets to be as pretty as Bob Clark."

As your arraigned reporter is well aware given familiarity with past Habs of the same nationality, it was a man's duty to warn Bradley, you don't fuck with powerful Russians.

More updates as events warrant.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

ovy is ugly and a horrible team player thats why he's a bad player i would rather have Wade Belak or Aki Berg on my team!!!!!!