Friday, February 6, 2009


Your furtive reporter managed to score a sweet spot for the Habs enforcer’s press conference this morning. The microphone picked up the whole of the exchange so nothing had to be manufactured. There was lots of hustle and quite a bit of bustle as the rest of the suckers set up their lights and tripods but soon, all were ready and the conference commenced as George Laraque was presented to us by Donny. A cloud passed over as the man took the podium.
- What’s the word, Georgie?
"Word is I’m ready to go and when the coach says the same, I’ll be there for the team."
- How do you feel about the kind of impact you brought to the Canadiens this year?
"In what way?"
- Do you feel like you’ve let the Canadiens down by being injured and that essentially, you’re a bust?
"I’m sorry, what? What did you say? Do you wanna repeat that?"
"That’s right. Listen up. All’o’yehs. No more Mister Nice Guy, I’m at 100 percent and those restraints I brought up at the beginning of the year? The ones about waiting for the proper time and being beholden by the rules that say I can’t go with someone smaller than me or someone who won’t drop his gloves and about not hurting the team and all that? Yeah, that’s out the window. Yeah, first one gets outta line is a dead man. Second one will be more of a fight cuz I’ll be tired."
A chorus of collaborative laughs rose up from the room.
"Did I say something funny?" asked George darkly.
The laughs died and the place became a tomb. I distinctly heard the sound of urine running down a leg. Think it might’ve been mine.
More cringing as events warrant.
This report brought to you by the Government of Canada's Breastfeeding Friendly Program. Don't be bad to baby whilst feeding him. You catch it unawares. Be friendly.

1 comment:

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