Tuesday, January 27, 2009


The All-Star Game came to a close this weekend in the most beautiful City in the world, the City that is Hockey and all across the Bell and America and around the world, one name would resonate like an MVP 160hp Honda engine. Aleksey Vyacheslavovich Kovalyov. Vroom, vroom, they say.

Despite recurring complaints by hallucinating amateurs, the All-Star Game was in fact, a furiously disputed, fast-skating, heavy-hitting, no-holds-barred exercise in gritty, prideful sportsmanship that had the referees deciding wisely to put away their whistles. It took only a blatantly obvious hook by defenseman Mikael Komisarov in overtime to draw the striped men out of their apathy and to call the game’s only penalty.

What followed was a three against four defensive shutdown the likes of which Hockey Planet may never witness again. Blistering slapshots and heavy wristers were blocked with pad, skate and teeth to get the job done and the puck squirted across the blue by three overworked but determined Eastern All-Stars. The fans roared their approval at the gauntlet thusly survived to force the shootout.

Here is where Vyacheslav (or "Alex" as some know him) put his stamp on the whole affair. It should, first of all, be mentioned that not only can Vyacheslav get an assist just by going to the bathroom, not only can he hit every post at whim and not only he can do so in every period of the game, including overtime, but he can also put it. In. The net.

His first goal of the game, a brilliant changeup off a breakaway. His second, a brilliant backhand shelf off a breakaway that NO ONE could have foreseen. His three points in the game were part of Operation: Punch, Jab and Assess... And then came Shock and Awe.

The shootout winner...the shootout winner that automatically had him driving the Honda to the elevator and down to his car...after which he tipped the garage attendant...with a Honda...

The shooutout winner: was a diabolical piercing stare from Hades itself, a laser-enhanced pellet from an over-gunpowdered blunderbuss, a crystalline Zeus bolt with the words "Mama says hi" stenciled on its side, a wicked gift that would have made the Dark Prince blush in envy, a fitting conclusion to such a defining episode of high-stakes hockey, with Vyacheslav delivering the boon.

No puck has ever entered a right shelf with such thorough conviction since the dawn of time.

Hockey Planet bows in gratitude.More updates as events warrant.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This post brings a tear to my eye... I weep with joy.