Friday, January 9, 2009


The word "Crushing" is defined as: Suppression, the forceful prevention of accomplishment, whatever the leafs deem such to be;
Putting down by power or authority, either physically or spiritually, by laughing adversaries out of the building or booing them to the dogs and back;
Devastating, often used in combination with Alexei Vyacheslavovich Kovaliov;
Oppressing, to come down on or keep down by unjust use of one's Red, White and Blue Authority;
To humiliate or to depress completely, as one would a pancake;
Broken, to subdue or bring low in condition or status across Canada and Hockey Planet.
Now that no doubt remains in the application of such relevant characterization, your focused reporter can safely relate that the blue hockey leaves were CRUSHED last night in Montreal. No amount of skating from Moore, whining from Wilson, head-shaking from Burke, punching from Mayday and ref-pushing from Grabovski could delay the unstoppable tide, the unrelenting wave, the furious armada of your Montreal Canadiens, scratch that, your Montreal Bulldogs. (boy, the leafs suck, don’t they?)
There used to be a time when rookies brought up to the big club would have to tiptoe through the minefield of oppositional dedication. No more. Now, they play against the leafs and it’s like ice cream for freaks.
"Rivalry," your uninhibited reporter’s hairy ass.
Next game, please.
And contrary to Thursday night's somnambulant smackdown, we'll have an actual HOCKEY team come to Montreal. If there are fireworks, it's because with Theo (pictured left), the sky's the limit. No goaltender in the history of the league can tapdance to the beat of his OWN shaking knees. When they were handing out mental toughness, Theo was getting his Propecia prescription filled out. Capable of the most magical prowesses and the most godawful breakdowns, many biographers have tried to lay down his story but the paper they write it on biodegrades too quickly. This is not to say that Theo is terrible, just that he sucks, and that every night, all the little boys and little girls PRAY to see him in the opposing net. Well, Saturday night is Treat night!
More updates as events warrant.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Don't you think you're being a bit unfair to cheese?