Sunday, October 4, 2009


Victory in Toronto came at a terrible price as superstar defenseman Andrei Markov was slashed by the Terrible Price in the ubilinian pedaphalangial quintacep tendon, an injury that would necessitate a 4-month healing period. This left your Montreal Canadiens up poop creek without a power play specialist, a zone-exitor extraordinaire, an overall nice guy, or a paddle for the next 81 games of the season and 23 in the playoffs.
The venerable general manager of the team Mr. Bob Gainey was suddenly served his first Crisis entrée like a knock out punch to the chops and he hadn’t even ordered an aperitif yet. Since your trustworthy reporter was cleaning the table, I had the chance to ask him what his next move would be. He remarked “We have young players ready to step up and play a larger role. Ryan O’Byrne comes to mind.”
When Mr. Bob Gainey came in last night, I asked him what his plans were now. He said “Bring me an aperitif and I’ll tell you.”
In all my years as beat reporter for the Beautiful Team, it was always Mr. Bob Gainey who showed the most candour when he showed anything at all. We have heard many colleagues complain that Mr. Bob Gainey never says anything when in fact, he just avoids us any extra work. Our colleagues want to work the same old clichés into their shtick every day, that’s their business. But as you well know, at Habsbros, we don’t work clichés. We get the straight dope.
So when Mr. Bob Gainey had swallowed half his mint julep and ordered Mojo to go, I was naturally taken aback.
“To go.”
“What kinda mojo you want?”
“OT-winner mojo.”
And that was it. He paid with a Sergei Kostitsyn, shook the chef’s hand, called a taxi, and headed off to the airport.
More updates as events warrant.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i love this way, way too much.