Thursday, October 22, 2009


An inside source to the festivities taking place September 26th at Scott Gomez’s luxurious, Greco-Roman-styled downtown apartment has revealed to your dedicated reporter that the alleged altercation between the assistant captain and the assistant Kostitsyn stemmed from a dispute that erupted over The Game of Risk. The source affirms that Sergei had given up his rights to Europe and South Africa for Afghanistan and Siberia. With Japan and China secured, and his hold over Yakutsk protected, he knew it would only be a matter of time before he could move Lapierre out of Irkutsk and Moen’s lone colony out of Siam, to which the 3rd-liner probably wouldn’t afford too many reinforcements since the brunt of his forces were in Africa. Then K Junior (pictured right) would have himself all the time in the world to push Gionta out of Ural and consolidate the whole of Asia and thereby collect some major military support.
With such a carefully strategized objective, it is therefore no wonder that he got so upset when, for no apparent reason, Gomez, who had his own fish to fry in North America, decided to cross the North Pacific and invade Kamchatka.
It was madness, the kid shrieked, why throw legions at him when all Latendresse has to do was WALK into Gomez’s Eastern United-States and then just TAKE his Northwest Territory?
To which Gomez responded that it was just a board-game and not to make a big deal out of it. He didn’t care that Gui! took the stupid Northwest Territory, he just wanted to throw a wrench in Junior’s works and watch him squirm.
My source goes on to say that the room then went very cold and a visible black sheen fell over Kostitsyn’s eyes. He proceeded to inform everybody in an eerily chilling voice that his grandfather was born in Kamchatka and he’d be damned to hell before he saw a “such-and-such-monkey-Yank” desecrate that land by even touching its shores.
Gomez suggested the kid take it easy.
Kostitsyn suggested Gomez eat “poop”. He then continued to promise that defending his land was now not enough. My source goes on: “He started to yell out a vow about, I don’t know, taking over Alaska out of principle and making Gomez and all of the Alaskan people slaves because they didn’t deserve any better. It was nuts. And then, he spit on the board! All over Alberta, a big goober right there in the guy’s apartment, in front of everyone! I couldn’t believe it! The kid’s nuts. That’s when Gomez lost it.”
A scuffle ensued and some punches were thrown but with teammates all around, they quickly intervened and separated the two. As of yet, the source in question was not able to say if this supposed altercation was a factor in the decision to send the young whippersnapper down to the AHL nor would he disclose who won the game. There is no doubt however, the source told your reliable reporter, that everyone learned a lot from The Game of Risk that night. More updates with cop's warrant.

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