Tuesday, February 9, 2010


When Tracy Porter intercepted Peyton Manning’s pass and ran it back to the house, it spelled the end of Mr. Bob Gainey’s tenure with the greatest hockey team in the history of the world. Geoff Molson had offered his GM the opportunity to make the Superbowl call in his place in a bet opposing the Montreal owner to George Gillett, chuckling heartily in Vail. Bob Gainey chose the Colts. Having to shave his head in defeat to now be prancing about with a skull-cap and a wig, the humiliated brewer had seen enough, and strongly suggested the GM take the door. Still fuming over how silly he looks in beaver hair, Mr. Molson could not attend the press conference announcing the news. President Boivin took the reins.
“It’s been an honour to have Mr. Bob Gainey here with the Montreal Canadiens. It’s been a privilege to consider him as a friend all this time. He brought us instant class and respectability when he joined our organization. All we could ask more of him was that he be a Saint. Unfortunately, it was the only thing he was unable to do and it is with great regret that we all came to the conclusion that he should step down as of consequence.”
-Mr. Boivin, is it really important that Mr. Gainey be able to call the winner in the American football championship?
“You bet it's important," the team president said. “It's a matter of respect and sensitivity to the reality of frenchies; I mean, the logo is right there on the helmet, ferpetessakes! Far as we were concerned, it was an easy call and he blew it.”
Pierre Gauthier, erstwhile second fiddle, takes the maestro stick and strikes up the Bleu-Blanc-Brass Bonanza. He wasted no time in making friends.
“It's an honour for me to become general manager of the Canadiens," Pierre Gauthier said. "But this day is not about me, it's about the Montreal Canadiens and the future of the Franchise. Our goal is the same as it always was: to prop up the Priceberg.”
Pierre Boivin then coughed and nudged Gauthier in the ribs.
“Uhh, errr, we have two strong young goaltenders who give us a chance to win every night," the new GM amended. "We believe we can go forward with them, and they give us our best chance to get into the playoffs, and if Halak ever decides to drop the ball...” Gauthier then reacted sharply as one would when kicked in the shin underneath the table.
When asked if the Canadiens would be buyers or sellers come trade deadline, the response was less about the fluff and more about the marble.
“We’re builders. We have 11 new players from nine different organizations, and I think we only have four frenchies,” Gauthier said. “Getting the team to where we want it to be is part of an ongoing process. That means we have to move ahead directly with our plans to achieve success, namely, to sign Tomas Plekanec as quickly as possible and to foresee the Saints as winners of the next Superbowl, both of which we are prepared to do at this juncture. And the frenchies? Whoa, baby, watch the frenchies is all I gotta say. That’s how you build a winner, chéri.”
As if to prove the point, Gauthier's first move was to send White and Trotter back to Hamilton and keep Desharnais as lone hanger-on with the club.
We're in business now.
More updates who dat warrant.

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