Amidst the galling reports of strife within the club, the only man preaching how wonderful the chemistry was in the room compared to last year’s crop of underachieving maggots has been tossed off the team. His cheeriness was apparently getting on everybody’s nerves.
Said George when informed “Is that being a distraction? I never made any negative comments just so I wouldn't be a distraction. I never did anything to embarrass the team. If they said that, then this club of a-holes is worse than I thought.”
Looking for a new job might not take as long for the enforcer as initially expected since he has been offered a position on a Swedish club, the Afferblattenborg-Itterungblung-Klattenfrotzenberg (AIK) Stockholm Express. Reached for comment collect by your cheap reporter, the Swedes conceded that George Laraque couldn’t do worse than their last goaltender. Only thing left to do now is to collect his belongings at the Bell Centre, yet this is also posing a problem for the big man as his security clearance has been revoked and his card won’t work anymore. Reached for comment in the underground parking lot where your dedicated reporter had spent the night, Mr. Bob Gainey said “I don't have a copy of Georges' code, I don't know what it is, I think the code is that you're here for your stuff when you get canned. After that, it's not your code anymore, it's our code.”
So Master Laraque will have to do what your sociopathic reporter does when he needs something from the Temple and break in without any regard for the damages that occur during the execution.
Now, the effect this has had on the club seems to be a positive one since the past shows how well the team plays when everyone is at each other’s throats. Without Laraque there to interpose himself, Cammalleri immediately jumped Lapierre, Metropolit attacked Moen and Markov gave the Priceberg a spanking with a wet towel in front of everyone.
This produced three wins in the last four games for a 75% success rate. (Editor’s note: this report was written in the possible future wherein the Habs creamed the Lightning 7-3; score may be slightly different in reader’s future.)
More punch-ups as victories warrant.