Wednesday, March 24, 2010


NEW YORK - It is well known that two of the most storied franchises in all of sports are the New York Yankees and the Montreal Canadiens. But with the Yankees off to a slow start, owner George Steinbrenner has opted to buy your surging Montreal Canadiens.

In 1993, the Beautiful Team won its 24th Stanley Cup. A parade was heald, cars were rolled over, and things were set on fire. It was glorious. But that has not happened for some time.

Your studious reporter has determined through flawless logic and chatting with reliable sources at local pubs that with the Beautiful Team surging towards immanent victory this season, Mr. Steinbrenner will be purchasing the team.

The worry is that he will make them play baseball. And we all know how well baseball did in Montreal...

After digging a little deeper, your intrepid journalist determined that someone in New York has already acquired the rights to every player on the Canadiens roster, including Jaroslav Halak, Tomas Plecanec, Mike Cammalleri, and even the unborn child of a scientific experiment between Andrei Markov and Carey Price.

When asked if Steinbrenner had gone too far, Yankees fans responded: "What the fuck is 'hockey'? What kind of a name is 'Halak' anyways? ... Wait, is he a Yankee now? Holy shit, he's the fucking best player I've ever fucking seen!"

Steinbrenner also bought a few other teams, most notably the entire NBA.

More updates as further "beverages" are served.

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