Tuesday, April 6, 2010


Whiteout hits the most beautiful city in the world, as your Favourite Team refuses to let opponents score. No polite letters requesting permission, no subpoenas from the Supreme Court of Canada and no American ultimatums threatening military invasion uttered by President Obama himself have budged the Montreal Canadiens’ intransigence on the matter. They are narrow-mindedly stubborn to the point of obstinacy, you could say. Read our lips: No more goals allowed.
“It’s just, you know, not something we’re interested in right now;” said the erstwhile apple in the Apple’s eye Scottie Gomer “we just don’t wanna let people score, that’s all. I mean, we appreciate the letters, the letters are nice, but uhh, thanks but no thanks, you know?”
“Could someone please inform Mr. Lawrence Cannon that though I appreciate the promises of immunity, I am not a Canadian national and therefore do not have to appear in front of the Commission to Force Me to Let One In, and that if he doesn’t get off my lawn, I’m calling the police. Thank you.” was all the number one goaltender would say.
“Oh, it was great meeting the president. I’m really a big fan” said Your Man Gorges, “I shook his hand, everything. And then he’s like, ‘cease and desist’ and ‘binding resolution’ or whatever and ‘unilateral operation’ or something and really, he’s a funny guy. He doesn’t look it but he’s a funny guy. I was laughing the whole time.”
“That’s what happens when your cocks of the walk, definitely;” Coach Jack Marty told your gregarious reporter “you get decide what you want to do in the game and also how you work together as a team to do it. We’re a club that sometimes gives up more shots than we would like but who limits the scoring opportunities. If we look at the Flyer game for example, some say that we were totally outplayed and that we didn’t even touch the puck in the 3rd, but they only had 5 scoring opportunities. The mental challenge at that point is to be able to refuse to let the opponent score. And that’s what we did as a team…walked like cocks and blocked lotsa shots.”
And presumably, that’s what they’ll do as a team on Long Island where they intend to bring the whiteout with them to beset its poor citizens with the worst Hab Storm in 61 years.
Headed by a cold front from Slovakia…but let’s not start that again.
White on, baby.
More updates as events warrant.

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