Thursday, April 8, 2010


Your hand-wringing Montreal Canadiens are at it again. Building the drama. Setting the stage for another heart-rending, emotion baring, police-coming-to-your-house charge to the finish line. One point is all The Beautiful Team needs and two games left to pick it up in to secure their playoff berth. But we’ve heard that one before, haven’t we? So what’s to stop this whole thing ending in tears this time around too, you ask? That’s a good question. A very good question. Guess we should answer it then.
It is the fear. The fear that unites us all. The fear that binds us and drives us and guides us and defines us. The fear to suck. Like another team we won’t mention for example. Give you a hint, it’s the only “organization” that can’t even spell its own name right.
See, the Fabulous Montreal Canadiens’s lustre has certainly dimmed in the last 15 years, but they haven’t sucked. Like another team we won’t even take a moment to allude to, but whose last Yearly Plan, it should be noted, consisted in finishing last and trading away its first pick. That was their plan. That was the Concept drawn around the conference table at the Head Governors and Decision-Takers’ Meeting at the beginning of the year. That’s what they decided to do. The horror of being a team like that? Too much for Montreal. So it is with that fear that the greatest team in the history of the world finds the courage and the motivation to soldier on.
And because the Boys have not sucked and just managed to squeeze into the “marginal team” boat, even though we all know that over the years, the other “marginal teams” seem to have beaten the hell out of them more often than not, the Cagey Montreal Canadiens have been able to fly under the radar and avoid undue critiques.
Now, a lot of things can happen under the radar. You can lose the stick and crash into the waves or break the ceiling and go for the destroyer, but one or the other, sooner or later, you know you’re going to have to face the fear. … Unlike another team we won’t mention who never has had to deal with that since last time they went to the playoffs, it was during the lock-out.
In these last two games, your Plucky Montreal Canadiens will be faced with the fear. Manifest fear in the form of the totally disgusting and icky Carolina Caners and the contemptuous shames to hockey, the Toranna leafers. The two rattiest mojo-carrying anti-Hab-spray teams in the League. Yuck! Ptui! Forcing us to beat one or the other of these two rattiest teams in the League to secure our playoff berth will put your Nervous Montreal Canadiens’ character to the ultimate test. There is no doubt about it: it is indeed the final test of the season. The test of fear. Under the radar or attack the destroyer-time.
“Pilot to bombardier! Pilot to bombardier! Strafing left to avoid flak! Drop Daisy-Cutters! Drop Daisy-Cutters! Pilot to bombardier! Brace for fire on second run!”
More updates or death.

1 comment:

MixinMike said...

I don't know about you...