LAPPY LAPPING UP THE LATITUDE

After Saturday night’s loss to our depleted little cousins from down the 417, the post-game reporter scrum seemed to be more pressing as elbows and hips were used to secure the best spots available around the podium, and knees and ankles were used to clog up all the available spots left in the vicinity. So much so, that having stopped at a candy-machine along the way for an extra shot of glucose, your dedicated reporter found himself at a loss to get his mike anywhere near anyone’s important schnoz.
That’s when Lapierre was noticed by your hawk-eyed reporter, ambling down the hall, and so therefore, quickly caught up to.
-Hey, Max, where you off to?
“Candy-machine.”
-Got a minute?
“To the candy-machine and back, sure.”
-Max, why do you get a free pass?
“To the candy-machine?”
-No, on the club.
“Because I was born in Scotland. Raised in Ireland. Never learned a word of French. Protestant. Joined a right-wing Provo group when I was 16. Started playing hockey in London as cover. Liked it more than pipe-bombing. Rest is history. Got drafted out’ve Bern and here I am. They don’t care about me as long as I don’t make waves. They got other potatoes to fry.”
-Surely the lack of effect your play is producing isn’t going unnoticed?
“That’s exactly what it’s going. Ask’em. Ask anybody. Ask the coach. Go ahead, ask the coach and ask’m what th…hey! There’s no Super-Chocko-Marshy-Bars left!”
-Oh, one of these, you mean?
You should’ve seen his face when I took out the last bite I was saving and quickly polished it off in front of him.
-Can’t always get what you want, kid.
Luckily, your precognitive reporter managed to dodge the haymaker sent his way and, making the most of the loss of balance in the would-be attacker this occasioned, got enough of a head start running back down the hall to join the scrum and scream at the top of his lungs
-Jack! Jack! Why does Lapierre get so much latitude?! Shouldn’t he be contributing?!
“Both of our goalies have the talent to win us games. It’s a healthy competition between our two young goalies and that helps our team.”
-What about Lapierre, Jack?! Lapieeeeerre?!
“Well, Benoit was a player this organization had on its radar for a long time and as that stats show, it was a good move for both organizations.”
-Lapieeeeeeeeeerre!!!
“Well, give the Senators credit. They planned for our power-play very efficiently and we’ll go back to the tape and make the proper adjustments. Thank you. Have a plane to catch now.”
And that was it.
That Irish son-of-a-gun was right.

More updates as events warrant.