OUTBREAK OF POULIO SIDELINES FIVE MONTREAL CANADIENS

Disaster has struck three other poor saps on the Beautiful Team this morning as Ryan O’Byrne and the Kostitsyn brothers are the latest to be hit by the dreaded Poulio.
From what your perspicacious reporter was able to ascertain while eavesdropping in seventh floor bathrooms of the Bell Centre, the symptoms of the disease began to manifest themselves over the Holiday road trip, but that its contraction actually occurred at around the time when Guillaume Latendresse was sent to Minnesota free of charge, and was in an incubation period until its eventual outbreak. On a side-note, many in the Halls of Haballa questioned Mr. Bob Gainey’s mysterious compassion towards the Wild and we at Habsbros are considering appointing a reporter to probe more deeply into its muddle but for whatever the reason, that display of pity can now be regarded as an overall bad move since it has precipitated the propagation of a seemingly infectious disease within the club.
The first to feel its effects were D’Agostini and Pacioretty; each spent a game in the press-box with a medical mask over their faces made of a brown paper bag.
Now, three more have gone down. And though George Laraque won’t admit it, some in the organization fear he may have been hit the worst.

More updates as transmission spreads.