Wednesday, May 5, 2010


MONTREAL - After the game 3 loss to the Pittsburgh Penguins, your astute reporter snuck into the Canadiens dressing room to get - as always - the straight dope. What was uncovered was even more frightening than anticipated.

Most of the scene was as to be expected. Brian Gionta was giving an interview to those mainstream media hicks, Maxime Lappierre was snorting cocaine, Carey Price was sobbing, and Tomas Plekanec was grooming his goatee. Everyone else was mired in defeat.

Everyone, that is, except for Marc Andre Bergeron.

MAB was in a back corner all by himself. He was smiling an oddly creepy smile, while staring off into the distance. Your inquisitive reporter was then informed by Scott Gomez that MAB had gone a little "nutty" after the big hit at the end of game 2.

Curiosity has gotten this columnist to where he is today; a shiny job on an anonymous internet blog, and herpes. So investigation was warranted.

- Hey Marc. What's goin' on?
- I like cake.
- Can't argue with that. Are you okay?
- Did you know that P.K. is black like Barry White, but I'm white like Clint Black?
- Uh... Deep, but did that hit knock you racist?
- I'm a dream-maker, you know. I've seen things, things you can't even imagine. I can make anyone's dreams come true.
- Really...? Even this one I have where Gary Bettman is jack-hammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart?
- Only if Garth Brooks is there giving birth to something resembling a chedder-cheese log with almonds.
- I'd be alright with that.
- Right this way, please.

More updates as the chaffing heals.

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